Thirteen things to not say to a wife with a deployed husband:
1. I don't know how you do it. **Me: I don't know either, but I just do. Anyways, do I really have a choice.
2. I could never deal with it if my husband were gone that long. **Me: Yes, you could. You would be surprised what you can do alone. It is almost empowering to know you can do it. But after nine months, I am empowered enough....get on home quickly now!
3. Are you scared that something may happen to him while he's there? **Me:This one is the one that really perplexes me the most. uugghh, let me see, he is in a combat zone....that would be yes!
4. Do you miss him? **Me: Every time I was asked this, I just wanted to respond "Oh, no, definitely not. I like it when he's gone. It gives me the chance to be all by myself 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with a 2 (and don't forget the half) year old and a four year old. Who wouldn't want that?" Of course, I miss him. Wouldn't you miss your husband? If not, sister, you've got more issues than me. And I am all about issues!
5. I know just how you feel. My husband was on a business trip last month for three days and I just thought I would die. **Me: Are you kidding me? First, I barely notice now if my husband is only gone for three days. Second, unless his business trip was to a place where everyone is openly carrying a gun in the street trying to kill him and suicide bombers and roadside bombs are prevalent, its not remotely close to being the same. The only thing I may give you on this one is that you know what it's like to sleep in an empty bed.
6. Do you worry about him cheating on you? **Me: Well, people, it is a little thing called self control. That and a love for my husband and respect for my marriage. Do some people cheat? Sure they do. But people cheat in civilian marriages too. Being in the military has no bearing on that.
7. How can you sleep at night knowing your husband is a murderer? Won't you be afraid when he comes home? **Me: Personally no one has ever said this to me. This one sets me off more than any other. No soldier is a murderer. Have they had to kill someone? Quite possibly. But there are a great many soldiers who never have. It's not something they talk about in daily conversation. Regardless of what they do overseas, it does not make them a murderer. They are in a war zone and following orders. I have never once >ven had an inkling that I should be afraid of my husband because he is a soldier. If anything, I feel more protected and safe.
8. I'm so sorry your husband had to be deployed. Don't you just hate President Bush? **Me: My husband joined the military of his own free will knowing full well that there is a potential to be deployed. The President may be the one running the show, but I knew he was a soldier when I married him. I'm proud of him and his accomplishments. And I don't discuss politics or religion with anyone.
9. If you truly supported your husband, you would be protesting so...he wouldn't have to deploy again/could be brought home/the war would end. **Me: Really? My definition of support must be much different than the definition of support by these people. Supporting my husband means supporting him in what he does and what he believes in. It does not mean disrespecting the men and women who volunteered to defend our country and our rights. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't have the right to protest in the first place. I'm certainly not putting myself in a position where it could be construed as anything other than 100% support for our troops and their families. I have blogged about this one before when I saw the Harley Davidson patriot guard. What they do is so much more worthy than any protestor standing on the road leading onto post.
10. I can't believe your husband did this to you. Aren't you mad at him? **Me: Um, what?! My husband didn't do anything to me. He honors his agreements and he follows the orders of his superiors. There's certainly nothing sad or maddening about having a husband who fulfills his commitments. Don't feel sorry for me. I'm proud of my husband and I completely support him.
Since I can't think of any more things...I give you three hopes that I have. I think most military wives are hopeful. Formally defined, hope is belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life and implies that the outcome is possible even when there is some evidence to the contrary.
11. I hope that civilians realize the sacrifices we make and appreciate what we give.
12. More than anything, we hope that our children know what their family’s service means and the pride they should feel, and we hope our soldier knows how much we love him.
13. Dear Lord, honestly, we just hope we can hold it all together.